Birds of a Feather
by None Tadashi Left Hiro
Summary: That one last 'Tadashi' meant so much more than just his name. It was a plea filled to the brim with fear, hope, an utterly desperate need for Tadashi to come back and leave the fire unscathed and be reunited like they always had before. And Tadashi had failed to live up to that only one time. One time. And it had made all the difference. Co-authors:Ploodo/lems, AvatarNerd/feels
1. Couldn't Stick Together

"Welcome to nerd school….nerd." Tadashi gave a congratulatory smile to the fourteen year old he was now attending college with.

Hiro quietly laughed through his nose, shaking his head at Tadashi. _I guess I had that one coming_ , he thought to himself. He had finally made it. Against all the odds, he had made it. But he knew without Tadashi... he would've been long gone.

"Hey, I uh...I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you…so…" He lowered his eyes hesitantly. "...Y'know…" He knew his brother could tell why he was saying this. It wasn't a memory easily brought up. "...Thanks for not giving up on me."

After the unexpected thank you, Tadashi gave nothing but a warm, understanding smile in return. Hiro didn't often say things like that, but Tadashi wasn't about to question it. He had always been there for Hiro, especially in his darkest times, when even Hiro had given up on himself. He couldn't live with himself if anything happened; his brother was worth way too much to him. And now, perhaps Hiro was finally starting to see that himself.

It seemed like all that needed to be said was out and done. He was about to tell Hiro it was time to head over to the cafe, when a sudden loud noise was heard in the distance. The sound of people screaming came next.

Tadashi wasn't even thinking anymore. His previously content grin was gone. Little did Hiro know that was the last time he would ever see such a smile. Tadashi took off hurriedly to the source of the noise, Hiro closely behind him. The siblings came face to face with the institute, engulfed in flames. At first, all the two could do was watch as the building continued to breathe smoke from the windows and doors. Tadashi was first to snap out of it, rushing towards the building, against the disagreeing crowd. Hiro unquestioningly followed suit. A staff member that was almost about to fall over was luckily caught by Tadashi's embrace.

"Are you okay?!" He inquired over the noise, helping her to regain her balance.

"Y-yeah, I'm okay, but Professor Callaghan's still in there!" She answered, pointing towards the building, already resuming her path away from danger. For a split second, Tadashi watched the somewhat familiar figure leave before snapping himself back into focus. He made a beeline for the entrance of the flaming building, barely even considering what he was about to do. The only thing pulling him back was Hiro, who was now holding on to his life-long friend's arm for, well, life.

"TADASHI, _NO_!" He cried out desperately. Hiro cocked his head in a way that almost made it seem like he was saying, 'Come on, don't do this, lets get out of here'. He wasn't usually the one to be pulling the other out of danger. What was he supposed to do?

Tadashi paused in his steps, realizing what could happen if he went in there. He could run into the building risking life and limb to save his professor, or, he could safely walk away with Hiro and hope for the best.

 _Callaghan… you've done so much for me… I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do anything to help you._

The memory of his parents in the back of his mind, he turned around and faced Hiro's concerned, wild eyes. If just one bystander had stepped in to help, their parents could have still been with them today. If no one stepped in to help right now, that could be the same fate for his professor. His widened brown eyes, uncertain frown, and pulsing neck muscles were, for once, not hiding how intensely afraid he felt.

"Callaghan's in there," Tadashi emphasized, out of breath. "Someone has to help," he affirmed, not quite sure to whom he was addressing that to. Before Hiro could protest, Tadashi released himself from his beloved sibling's grip and raced towards the stairs.

Hiro watched in panic as Tadashi took leaps of fate up the steps until he had disappeared into the scorching flames.

 _What can I do? What am I supposed to do?_

He looked to the ground, noticing Tadashi's hat had fallen. He quickly reached down to grab it, taking a second to look over the gold and crimson "SF" stitching in the middle. Everything was happening in such a blur.

 _I have to go find him...I can't lose him like this…_

And so without thinking, Hiro rushed for the stairs too.

Black umbrellas were in full bloom, the heavy clouds blocking the warm, amber-tinted sunbeams and reserving them for a new flower roughly plucked from its home below. The only sounds were a mixture of sniffles and pattering rain. The rainfall would usually be described as a light, pleasant shower. However, today, it only added to the melancholy mood that existed for a now non-existent brother.

The only direct relative left on the earth could barely stand underneath the weight of all that had happened, combined with the rain that only added a cold, prickly feeling to his already numb body. He walked under the large tent that was protecting his brother from the rain and up to the open casket. He tried his best to hold back tears as he stared down at his lifeless sibling. _I can't do this. This shouldn't be happening. Why you? Of all the people in the world, you deserved to die the least. It should have been me..._

He forced himself to turn around so he could deliver his eulogy to the bouquet of black gathered for the deceased guest of honor. All the guests stared at him, giving their patient attention.

He cleared his throat, now fully aware of the growing lump starting to form. His lips begin to tremble as he tried to open his mouth, breath hitching as he started to get light-headed. Heavy clouds peeked between the guests and the canopy. They shared the same color of the smoke on that unspeakable night. He started stuttering garbled words. Mud smudged on his black, polished shoes from unnoticed rocking back and forth between his toes and heels. The mourning sibling attempted to restart his speech, but he was so choked up between his tears and disbelief that he temporarily lost his voice. A small squeak then escaped from his twitching lips. Pressing them together, he began to form tears in his usually big, bright eyes, much against his wishes. Hands had squeezed into tight fists. He turned his face away and closed his eyes. How was he supposed to do this? A gradually deepening frown appeared, unhelpfully quivering in an attempt to resist showing his emotions.

He crumpled down onto the soggy grass, his hands covering his face in a poor attempt to still keep his emotions under control. It had no effect as he let out a most heartbreaking whimper that turned into more and more sobbing. He timidly tried to gasp as inaudibly as possible for air, irrationally hoping that maybe if he was quiet no one would mind. It was the opposite of his intent to be even half this dramatic in front of everyone, but everything was just too much for him. He didn't know what to do except just sit there and struggle to not cry anymore.

Finally, Aunt Cass quietly came over to help him back to his seat. She assisted him to his feet and attempted to pull him away from everyone's direct view. The two began to walk back when he released himself from her caring hands. He couldn't just leave without saying anything for his brother, his oldest friend. His _best_ friend. His home. The most important person in the world to him. But here he was, already walking back to his seat. And he couldn't even get one sentence from his eulogy out. So, he blurted out the only thing that was running through his head ever since he had attempted to speak. "It's all my-hy fault!" his voice cracking through his usually grounded tone. Aunt Cass stared in a stunned silence. "It's all my fault. It's my fault we stayed late, it's my fault he came in after me, it's my fault he tried to save me!" He paused to catch his breath. "It's my fault Hiro died."

Somehow, the atmosphere seemed to return to an even stiller silence than it had before, except for the steady rain and distant thunder that somehow seemed to accompany and comfort his grieving soul. He turned and moved with slow, reverent steps back towards the casket. "I-I'm sorry," he said ever so faintly, somehow hoping his brother could still hear him, before kneeling onto the now familiar ground. Arms that wanted to wrap his brother in a tight embrace and somehow make everything okay instead met the smooth casket sides with his fingers lightly on the edge, wishing they could be closer to Hiro. Tadashi's sullen eyes faced the soggy grass, only raising to peek inside the casket as he let out a whimper that only he could hear. It was then that a loud, shaking crack of thunder sounded across the sky, startling everyone present. Even more so for Tadashi, the effect of the thunder causing a bone-shaking chill to crawl up his spine.

 _Tadashi!_

The echoes of one last word from a voice he would never hear again poured into his mind until he couldn't remember anything else.

" _Tadashi!"_

The loud, crackling sounds of a dangerous fire start to play in harmony with a loud voice that cracked as it repeating only one name, the owner of that voice showing no concern for the danger he was in.

" _TadASHI!_ "

Tadashi looked around frantically for his brother that was going to be so grounded for a month when they got home. Smoke and the tears they were causing inconveniently blurred his vision. Unpleasant hacking and coughing was coming from the same place as Hiro's voice. He _had_ to get his little brother out. _Now_.

" _TADA-SHI_ , _CO-HOME_ _BA-ack!_ "

He wasn't sure whether to be comforted or even more worried that Hiro's voice seemed closer and further from the exit.

" _TAD-HA-HSHIII!_ "

Tadashi snapped around to finally see Hiro's alarmed eyes and ash-filled hair. And suddenly he wasn't so sure Hiro would be making it back home for his punishment.

The deafening whump from a falling support beam that shook the ground beneath Tadashi's feet, the traumatizingly disturbing, crackling " _crrrruuunch_ " that couldn't possibly have been from it, the blood-curdling scream that was the last thing to ever come out of the poor child's mouth. Watching the last of the light leaving Hiro's once terrified, now empty eyes. A familiar San Fransokyo cap falling out of Hiro's limp hand. Extreme light-headedness and shaking and heart-pounding as Tadashi rapidly bolted over faster than he ever had before to Hiro's lifeless side.

That one last ' _Tadashi_ ' meant so much more than just his name. It was a plea filled to the brim with fear, hope, an utterly desperate _need_ for Tadashi to come back and leave the fire unscathed and reunited with his brother. It was all the things Hiro was afraid to say packed into one word of complete dread and panic. It was Hiro expecting Tadashi to save the day and just make everything okay like he had always done. And Tadashi had failed to live up to that only one time. One time. And it had made all the difference.


	2. Difference

The sensory trauma was stained forever in his mind of the alarming coldness of Hiro's skin. It was such a contrast compared to the overwhelming heat of the raging fire. The raging fire that so uncaringly extinguished the small prodigy, so full of potential only a moment before. Never had he felt so guilty to just have the ability to feel.

But he held onto the disturbingly limp, small body as tightly as he could, the brothers exiting the building together, but definitely not how Hiro had hoped them to. As soon as he had made it outside into the frenzied atmosphere consisting of terrorized people running left and right, various sirens and bright flashing lights from the ambulances and fire trucks, and his aunt and friends running towards him worriedly, he couldn't help but fall to the ground in hysterics.

His little, precious, genius of a brother was then ripped away from his arms into those of a paramedic. He would never hold Hiro in his arms. He couldn't stand to watch anymore through his watery, blurry eyes, but at the same time he couldn't stand to look away as they placed him on the gurney and laid the sheet on top. Hiro was gone. And so was a huge part of Tadashi.

A shiver managed to form down his back, causing his body to jolt suddenly as he cried. The replaying image of watching his brother be taken away to a much different place than he was going started to finally, slowly but surely, fade. He became aware of just how cold he was and inhaled deeply to stop himself from shivering again.

He wobbily managed to get himself standing up and facing his peers once again. He sighed with his breath cutting in and out; a single tear rolling down the left side of his face.

"H-h-h-i-i-ro," he mumbled, biting his tongue afterwards. Just saying his name felt like poison in his mouth. "He-e w-was so fu-l-l of…" He breathed out the word, 'life' as the amount of tears only increased. He shook his head, trying to empty his mind of what happened that fateful night. "He had su-ch a gre-a-t future...so great…He was going to do so many things…" His fingers tensely curled at his sides.

And I ruined it all.

He looked down to the grass, feeling too ashamed to look at his own family and friends.

He glanced towards the casket yet again. Hot tears were forming nonstop and rolling down his face more than ever. "H-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-roooooo," he wailed. "I...I'M SO...S-O-O-O-O-RRRRRYYYYY." He looked down to his side, sliding his hand through his hair. He had so much more he meant to say, but he couldn't form any words other than another almost mumbled, but still quite audible, 'I'm sorry' to not only his brother, but this time also to his friends and family who were all here mourning over a much too small casket only because of what he'd done.

Aunt Cass was still standing where Tadashi had left her to choke out what he could of his heavy hearted eulogy. He walked away from the tent towards her pitifully sad face, regretting the moment he dared to look at it. He averted his eyes away from her as they walked back to their had caused those tears on her face. And he would never be able to apologize enough.

The cherry blossoms were in season, yet Tadashi could not see them. He could, however, still hear the ongoing rain that hadn't stopped since morning. The world around him was dark and empty. This was not the home he had lived in for the past eleven years. Everywhere he turned, there were people that he had known; some obviously longer than others. So many different faces. People that he could catch up with or chat for he had nothing to say. He aimlessly walked around the small groups of people, refusing to make eye contact. Only staring down at the other funeral-goers watched as he distanced himself, not knowing how to speak to the young man after his breakdown during his eulogy.

He stared longingly at the entrance to the living room, wishing in vain that he could just see his little brother bounce in, just to call him a nerd for the umpteenth time. What he wouldn't give to hear his voice say something other than a panicked "TADASHI!" that repeatedly played in the back ofhis mind, haunting him since the moment he knew Hiro was gone.

"Tadashi?" a familiar voice tried to reach out to him.

TADASHI!

Tadashi shook his head, quickening his pace. He didn't bother to check who had called out his name. Their voices became closer and closer, but he didn't stop walking. He found his arm suddenly twisted so he was forced to face Gogo, who was accompanied by the rest of his friends.

"Sit." she commanded in a firm voice, after dragging Tadashi over to a couch.

"Please, don't make me. Can't you see I want to be alone?"

She looked over his face, seeing the pain in his eyes. She and the others hadn't been so up close to Tadashi since the incident. It wasn't until then that they realized how bloodshot his eyes were, or how red and puffy his cheeks had gotten. No one was going to question it, but they all noticed he was growing a small amount of stubble where his once smooth chin used to be. And boy, did his breath stink. It was more than enough to make her loosen the grip around his arm.

He felt a welcoming hand being gently placed on his shoulder. He already knew that hand belonged to Honey Lemon before he regretfully turned his head to look at her. He cursed at the fact that his eyes also glanced at the others. All his friends had sadness and sympathy written into their faces, as if he should still be important to them. Tadashi was the whole reason why they were sad; why would they want to talk to him at all?

They don't have to put on a show for me. I don't deserve their comfort. I don't deserve their company. I don't deserve them…

"Tada-"

"Stop," he cut Honey Lemon off. His own tone surprised him; he had barely ever- no, he had never talked like that to her. "Whatever you're going to say, please stop. You know I don't deserve any more kind words after what I did."

"No," she replied. "You've been putting yourself down ever since the fire happened. We're here for you, Tadashi."

Wasabi took a step closer. "Honey's right, man. Ever since what went down at the institute you've been pushing everyone away. You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened-"

Tadashi stood up, rubbing his hand on his forehead. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't let himself sit there and be told to not feel a certain way when all he could do was feel the way he had constantly been the last few days. It's all he knew how to feel anymore. Guilt. Shame. Stress. Anxiety. Regret. Misery. Grief. Emptiness. Difference. To say that he was tired would be an understatement.

TADASHI!

I saw it happen. I was there.

I could've saved him.

I could've saved him.

I didn't.

I didn't save him.

He started backing away, still looking at them.

His blood pressure began to rise and his mouth began to quiver. Tears began to form in his eyes for what felt like the millionth time today and he hated it. He hated crying. He hated crying in front of people. He hated crying in front of people that he knew would try to comfort him when he felt like he didn't deserve it. He hated having a reason to cry. Most importantly, he hated that the reason to cry was because he felt like he was the cause of it all.

"Please! I've had enough!" He shouted with his voice slightly cracking, due to the returning lump in his throat. "You don't understand! I was right there, just feet away from Hiro! And I watched him, heard him suffer...watched as he- he…" He choked on the rest of his words, still in disbelief over what had happened. What happened because of him.

"...And I did nothing." His tone had calmed a bit, but it still spoke with purposeful force. "...And I couldn't do anything more, I couldn't make him come back, I couldn't!" All the guests had their attention on the left-over portion of the Hamada family now. "For not even the first time in my life, I had someone so important ripped away from me. I-I...promised myself I'd take care of all that was left... and whenever something went wrong I was there, and we'd always find a way... and this time I couldn't do anything for him, except weep over his dead body!" His voice started to raise again.

His friends stared at him, not quite sure what they could say without upsetting him. This was a different side of Tadashi that they had never seen. One of them timidly reached their hand out to him, only to have it brushed away. He wasn't done yet.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be so close to someone and have everything just be perfect, for one little moment in your life, and have it all ripped away from you in under a single minute? And do you know the constant... the constant guilt of being the one who- who… who practically killed his own brother-..." He gagged on the word 'killed', his mouth dry from talking so much.

He hadn't noticed how much energy that took out of him until he realized he was standing there out of breath, every single pair of eyes in the room staring at him in silence. He said nothing more, instead shoving Gogo out of his way to go sit on the stairs, away from everyone's view. Such a mix of surprise, confusion and empathy had never crossed the short-tempered woman's face before now, especially when somebody had just shoved her.

Tadashi dug his fingers into his scalp, trying to drown out everything around him, but it only left him alone with his thoughts. In the distance, someone was quietly talking about all of the wonderful things that Hiro had accomplished.

Tadashi!

He was too exhausted to ignore the haunting plea that now forever scarred his name.

Crackling fire.

"Tadashi! Come back!"

"TADASHI!"

WHUMP.

A most agonizing and pain-filled scream Tadashi had only heard once before as a child.

Hiro's cold, lifeless body. The hat falling out of his hands. The death of his his oldest friend. His best friend. His home. The most important person in the world to him. So cold. So foreign.

"TADASHI!"

WHUMP.

A now becoming much too familiar scream that was Hiro's last breath.

"TADASHI!"

WHUMP.

"TADASHI!"

"TADASHI!"

"TA-D-AHA-SHIII!"

"Tadashi?"

He jerked away from the source of the noise as he was brought back to the present, his elbows hitting the edge of one of the steps uncomfortably. His startled, wide eyes caused his friends to slightly back off; they wanted to be careful to not upset him, as if he were a scared, stray puppy that could flee at any moment.

"We know you don't want to talk; we just wanted to leave you something before we go." A hand held out a piece of paper. Tadashi tensed his jaw, not bothering to look up to see whose it was before taking it and unexpectedly crumpling it and coldly throwing it at their feet. He leaned his back against the stair wall and turned his head to face the steps, waiting for them to leave. He told them he didn't deserve anything. He told them.

Gogo opened her mouth to something, the only thing stopping her being Wasabi's hand motioning for her to stay silent.

"He just needs his space. Leave him be." He reasoned with his not-so-patient friend. Gogo somehow managed to quietly storm off, the others awkwardly following behind her.

Meanwhile, tears fell onto the steps below Tadashi's face. How much more was he going to mess up? Push away people? Hurt people? And this was just the beginning. How much more was his life going to change?


End file.
